About Em.

Em is a teenager. She should not be allowed to enter your kitchen unattended. She could potentially burn your house down. That is not a joke.

Warnings aside, Em is not as scary in person as most are lead to believe. Short, curly-haired and (mostly) non-confrontational, Em was somehow always cast as Princess #1 in her elementary school plays.

She did not enjoy this. Not one bit.

Em is not quite in sync with her gelatinous, shapeshifting surroundings. A fourteen fifteen sixteen-year-old automaton, her programmed capacities include an ability to punctuate incorrectly and piss people off.  Of no interest is the fact that’s she’s been compared to a Mexican version of Shirley Temple at least four times, despite the fact that she’s never been Mexican in her whole entire life.

When she’s not reading or fighting with her kid brother or living vicariously through IKEA catalogs, Em can be found here and here. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get her to answer you, the reason being she’s spent so much time pretending she’s a little deaf in one ear she’s now convinced herself she actually is. Other than this psychological hearing deficiency, Em has the sight of a grandmother, exactly two pairs of shoes and two pairs of pants and hundreds of books. Yes, Em spends her clothing budget on literature. This is probably the best financial decision she’ll ever make. She likes Edward Elgar and and Edward Gorey and Edward Hopper and Edward Lear and Edward Cummings but as far as she is concerned Edward Cullen can drown in Tinkerbell’s sparkly vomit.

You can contact Em for anything, quite literally. Tell her you like her blog, tell her you hate it, tell her your ex-boyfriend won’t stop booty calling you. Well, maybe not that, though it has been demonstrated that Em is pretty good at giving relationship advice, even if a small part of her still believes boys have cooties.

elephantisle {squiggly thing} gmail.com