Update #6.

EMMA IS OFF LIVING, WHICH, IN THIS CASE MEANS, EMMA IS OFF WRITING. THE WEBPAGE “CONSCIENCE ROUND” HAS THUS BECOME SENTIENT, AND CONTINUES TO UPDATE. UPDATES TO TERMINATE ON NOVEMBER THE THIRTIETH.

1. What Emma wrote on her second day of NaNoWriMo, November 2, 2010

If I hated my writing yesterday, today I find it beyond repulsive. I have no outline, no believable characters, no setting, no proper plot, no fixed narrator. How am I still writing?

2. Emma’s NaNoWriMo ’10 Novel (fragment #2)

This is not good news for Toru, Toru who knows what “going to the mountain with Mother” means. But before he can protest, Mother takes the middle and forefinger of her left hand and makes a pair of scissors, silencing him.

Update #5.

EMMA IS OFF LIVING, WHICH, IN THIS CASE MEANS, EMMA IS OFF WRITING. THE WEBPAGE “CONSCIENCE ROUND” HAS THUS BECOME SENTIENT, AND CONTINUES TO UPDATE. UPDATES TO TERMINATE ON NOVEMBER THE THIRTIETH.

1. What Emma wrote on her first day of NaNoWriMo, November 1, 2010

I’ve written 1908 words now, and I hate almost all of them. I think this is a start.

2. Emma’s NaNoWriMo ’10 Novel (fragment #1)

The coast looks much like the bottom of a sea, were it emptied of water. Bleached whale bone sand and pouring sun, dead algea pooling in crevices where maybe fish swim. The ocean itself is not much to look at, certainly not a lovely thing, refusing to glitter prettily in the sun as its sisters on other sides of the world might do. Its decoration is only the air above it, and the string of shacks that make use of it, these shacks where the Fish family live.

Update #4.

EMMA IS OFF LIVING, WHICH, IN THIS CASE MEANS, EMMA IS OFF WRITING. THE WEBPAGE “CONSCIENCE ROUND” HAS THUS BECOME SENTIENT, AND CONTINUES TO UPDATE. UPDATES TO TERMINATE ON NOVEMBER THE THIRTIETH.

1. Emma’s dream: September 3, 2010

I dream a girl is trying to cut my foot off. Later she chases me through the city on a motorcycle/scooter.

2. Emma’s summer camp story, written over a course of six hours (fragment #3)

They shake on it. Pike’s fingers are long and thin, like spider appendages. Toru thinks: Daddy longlegs.

3. Emma’s English project, first trimester of junior year (fragment #3)

Peacocks are generally considered to be one of the world’s most beautiful animals. Their beauty is critical to their survival, preserved throughout generations of peafowl by the magic of natural selection. But to even the trained eye, one peacock will seem just as lovely as another. A peacock does not suffer depression out of lack of attractiveness. A peacock does not end its own life. The ordinary zoo visitor will not be able to pinpoint the ‘fairest of them all’. However, it is a very simple task to rank ordinary zoo visitors, they being simple humanoids, according to their beauty.

4. Emma’s diary: June 2010 (fragment #3)

Watching the Marx Brother’s “Horse Feathers”. Someone put my out of my misery.

Update #3.

EMMA IS OFF LIVING, WHICH, IN THIS CASE MEANS, EMMA IS OFF WRITING. THE WEBPAGE “CONSCIENCE ROUND” HAS THUS BECOME SENTIENT, AND CONTINUES TO UPDATE. UPDATES TO TERMINATE ON NOVEMBER THE THIRTIETH.

1. What Emma wrote on October 31, 2010 5:13 PM

It’s Halloween, and my mother pours all the candy into an orange plastic colander. I am still in my pajamas, a gown covered in bright red apples, soup spoons, rolling pins, friendly rabbits in oven mitts: a thoroughly domestic print. I think of my classmates, all beautiful children, scrubbing behind their ears, untangling their hair, checking for blemishes. At nine or ten they will assemble in the city square, clothed in what is only considered proper attire on the 31st of the tenth month of any year. Fishnet tights for the gals, and I gather the guys are devising some clever concept costume they will all wear together (last I heard it was Pac-Man and his legion of homicidal ghosts) I do hope they get home happy, healthy and with their wit’s about them. Please don’t get too drunk, boys and girls. Please do not cross when the light is green, please do not let yourselves catch a cold, please do not eat too much sugar. I will be here, at home, passing out candy in a colander out of lack of a better container. I will be thinking of you.

Update #2.

EMMA IS OFF LIVING, WHICH, IN THIS CASE MEANS, EMMA IS OFF WRITING. THE WEBPAGE “CONSCIENCE ROUND” HAS THUS BECOME SENTIENT, AND CONTINUES TO UPDATE. UPDATES TO TERMINATE ON NOVEMBER THE THIRTIETH.

1. Emma’s dream: August 10, 2010

Father and I are overlooking a concentration camp. It is in ruins. The sky is orange-black. There are bodies, I can’t tell in what state of decomposition, everywhere.

2. Emma’s summer camp story, written over a course of six hours (fragment #2)

The world is neither lit nor dark. Greenery is shadowed in tumultuous blue twilight. The leafy crown of the forest ahead is coated in indigo light, and the flowers are at their most appealing, invading the air with their smell. Birds seem to float in the air, the wind their currents of water. The mountains, the orchards with their plump fruit, the contagious bloom of nature – it all seems too surreal, or perhaps it is he who is surreal, Toru who does not fit in with the magical land.

3. Emma’s English project, first trimester of junior year (fragment #2)

At birth few children will have the genetic possibility of acquiring beauty throughout their lifetimes; in any hospital ward, newborns carrying the genes of beauty will be far outnumbered by their ugly counterparts. Though it seems cruel to ostracize humans so early in life, this leads to an important concept about beauty. Mainly, that part of its allure is its rarity.

4. Emma’s diary: late September 2010 (fragment #2)

The world is rife. With what? Hard to say.

Update #1.

EMMA IS OFF LIVING, WHICH, IN THIS CASE MEANS, EMMA IS OFF WRITING. THE WEBPAGE “CONSCIENCE ROUND” HAS THUS BECOME SENTIENT, AND CONTINUES TO UPDATE. UPDATES TO TERMINATE ON NOVEMBER THE THIRTIETH.

1. Emma’s dream: August 15, 2010

I dream I am cutting a brain apart like a flower.

2. Emma’s summer camp story, written over a course of six hours (fragment #1)

She begins the movements, feet striking the floor, and somehow her stance makes her noticeable again, marking her contours in the evening light. Her fingers grip the taut bow string and she pulls, pulls her hardest, releasing. He catches glimpses of her cheek, a halved apricot. Just as Toru knows that the surface of the sun is hot, so too he knows that her skin would be cool to the touch, like new fruit.

3. Emma’s English project, first trimester of junior year (fragment #1)

Darwin tells us that survival is only for the fittest. Traditionally, “the fittest” means the individual best suited to their environment. This definition also holds true to the modern human world, but with one minor adjustment. “The fittest” often means “the most beautiful”.

4. Emma’s diary: June 2010 (fragment #1)

GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY I HOPE YOU WILL BE NOBLE

/ˈælfə sɛnˈtɔri/ Part The Third.

On the fifth day, Dahlia follows Mina around the amusement park. The stalking hadn’t been a planned affair, but somehow seemed inevitable. There was that way Mina kept her hair tied up in elastic, fingers red and constantly in the company of each other, that manner of looking shaken-up and in need of a shaking-down. Mina the waif. Mina the lurching urchin. It keeps Dahlia nearby.

The amusement park Mirana, a seaside collection of spit-bright surefooted young’uns and their mechanical rolling counterparts, fossilized plum-colored planks twisting up in dramatic curlicues, emanating a suffocating blue heat. The Italian owner had had space divvied up and colored in the style of his home country: Dahlia’s quick eye spots Mina the fiend disappearing into the golden boughs of Toscana.

Tracing her steady voyage, it’s easy to see where she’s headed. At eleven in the morning, when Dahlia had started following her, she’d been in blue-white Sicilia, onwards to Calabria (all-you-can-eat pizza, Miss Oliver Twist has seconds and thirds), Basilicata, Campania (fun house in which Dahlia catches a thousand reflections of Mina in as many scalloped mirrors), Lazio, Umbria, leading up to Toscana. It’s a trip marked by indications, which Mina reads aloud as she passes them, taking care to step only on the orange tiles of the color-alternating path:

THIS WAY TO FLORENTINE FERRIS WHEEL ((Hello lovely blog readers (all six of you), Emma here, à la glorious footnote. National Novel Writing Month starts tomorrow! Please wish me luck and fruitcakes.))

/ˈælfə sɛnˈtɔri/ Part The Second.

At her mother and Samson’s wedding reception, Dahlia steals candy buttons from gift bags and tells Auntie how upset she is at not being able to walk around the house topless any more.

“Can’t do it with him around,” she says, licking her lips colored Yellow Number Five. “and even if I did, just look, just look at ‘im! He’d snitch to Momma for sure.”

Auntie chomps down on her teeth, Pan-Cake foundation wet on her hook nose and sloping collarbone, offering Dahlia nothing. She knows better now, than to give the child reason to believe she agrees with her. Momma! Auntie thinks your new hub’s a tattler too, she went and told me so! Ohoho, not going to happen again, Auntie’s determined, the babe can be kamikaze all by her lonesome.

Auntie’s eyes paw Dahlia’s courtesan’s bouffant and fingernails, painted with orange permanent marker and glitter glue.

“I know, Auntie,” Dahlia whines, “but how was I supposed to get dressed up for this, huh? It’d be like letting Momma win.”

Auntie’s sympathizes, but not enough to brave the primeval waters of mother-daughter conflict. The cellophane mammalian eyes, which through the magic of natural selection are also Dahlia’s own, circle once, twice, careening from the daylily flower arrangements (Dahlia thinks monocotyledon, sophomore Biology, Miss Rittenhouse’s China red cardigans) to the collapsing Neapolitan ice cream cake dead center (Dahlia thinks sacarose, fructose, lactose, I want to go home, I want to go home).

Color-alternating strobe lights, Mr. and Mrs. Samson Faktorowicz waltz by, merry-go-round, tight turns and whorls quick enough to make the brand-spanking-new Dahlia Faktorowicz’s head spin. It’s a storybook affair, but Samson ruins the effect by letting his hands stray below Dahlia’s mother’s waist, and she, the DayGlo princess rotting, lets him, drunk and reveling, revolving, revealing.

“Oh Good Gad,” Dahlia says, “great Gods. Save your humble servant.”

“Better get used to it,” Auntie says, unable to resist getting a hit in with her perilous problem niece, “you’re going on their honeymoon, aren’t you?”

Churning loud, huffing and puffing, a wounded Dahlia skulks out to the parking lot.

/ˈælfə sɛnˈtɔri/ Part The First.

Even from several hundred meters away, her feet are clearly visible. Pink socks, it seems, carnation pink like a decomposing hog’s tongue. She’s in what appears to be a large woman’s blouse, gauzy fabric that billows out behind her as she pads along the sand. The shirt her sails, the long neck her mast, and that dark whip of hair? Flag. A flag to match the red one set up by the Red Cross on the shore, meant to mean: these are not safe waters.

On the first day, Dahlia goes out to meet her. Dahlia’s been taken on her parent’s second honeymoon, a word she’ll associate for the rest of her life with Maraschino cherries and ungainly coitus. She doesn’t try to avoid her mother and Samson’s frequent displays of affection, though she doesn’t avoid stating how distasteful she finds it either. It pleases her, to see her skittish skylark skank of a mother go out of her way to find privacy, to avoid her daughter’s critical grin. Dahlia opening the closet to see her mother with her coils fingering Samson’s hair, lipstick marks like tiger stripes.

March the fourth, and Dahlia’s tired of hide-and-go-seek with her skinny Ma and her pseudo Pa. She spots the girl and runs to her, heaving, feet sinking and staining the beach: Dahlia’s size nine cobalt blue Mary-Janes. She wraps her hand on the girl’s shoulder, bony joint coated in thin blouse like white sea-glass.

“Hello,” Dahlia says, bringing the unknown to a standstill. She’s small, smaller even than Dahlia had anticipated, a veritable scrap, shipwreck. The skin in the folds of her knees is pale and clear, but the rest of her is burnt black. The color has spread even to her eyelids, like watercolors, or wildfire.

“Hi.” She answers, quite coolly, turning to face Dahlia. She has a pert nose and squinty eyes, maybe thirteen years old to Dahlia’s seventeen.

“I’m Dahlia,” Dahlia says. This is how she operates, stun, shock, wait for a reaction. This is why Dahlia doesn’t have a boyfriend, and why she couldn’t stay back home while her mother and Samson rode out this vacation. No one wanted to keep her, and no one was willing to leave her alone.

“I’m Mina,” she says, and from that moment (and various moments in the twelve day span that followed) onwards, for the rest of her life, Dahlia will associate pink socks, blouses, boats, bells and dying with that name.

Protected: Day Six Of Operation: Befriend Ants.

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